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by Rona S. Bartelstone, LCSW, BCD, CMC, C-ASWCM
Is it possible to really stay heart-healthy? Is it possible to stay really "well" even when life throws a curve
and forces us to live with health issues, losses or disabilities?
While there are no guarantees about what the future will bring, perhaps there are things that we can do to try
to assure that we can "get the best from the rest." Although there are many things over which we have no
control, there are things we can do that will help make life’s future challenges a little easier:
- Learn good self-care in the form of preventive health testing, good nutrition and at least a little
physical activity.
- When medical or social issues arise, address them right away.
- Maintain social connections to feel part of your community.
- Keep your mind stimulated with activities you enjoy.
- Find new or continuing activities that provide you with a sense of purpose and meaning.
- Plan for the worst, while hoping for the best. This means legal planning, financial planning and
health care planning, plus sharing ALL your wishes with your family or close friends/advisors.
By doing the things, we can all get a head-start on coping with negative changes that may affect our lives.
Even so, coping with the tragedies that sometimes befall us, requires more than good planning. Caregivers and
people who cope well with adversity have many traits that help them to survive and even flourish. Here are
some ideas:
- Acknowledge your feelings. It is OK to have negative feelings when you find yourself in
an unhappy situation. By acknowledging and giving expression to your feelings, you vent them so that you can
use your energy for what needs to be done. Even ugly feelings like anger, sadness, anxiety and fear are OK –
it is human!
- Be aware of the way that you talk to yourself. Now is the time to be loving, accepting
and gentle of who you are. We need to accept our strengths and weaknesses, so that we can get the help that
we need to go on. Try to reinforce the strengths and positive qualities, while refraining from punishing
yourself about the weaknesses.
- Build your own self esteem. Recognize all the things you do well and all the strength
you have. Acknowledge accomplishments and the good people and things that remain in your life.
- Choose and set limits. Learn to say "no." Caregivers get so used to doing everything
for another person that it is hard to say "no" to others even when it is appropriate. Limit your emotional reactions by walking away from an uncomfortable situation and dealing with it when you have had
time to think about a calm response.
- Find relaxation in any healthy way you can. Use music, humor, reading, movies,
meditation, respite services, a walk, go fishing, take a hot bath, a massage or anything that gives you a
few moments of peace to renew yourself.
- Improve communications. Learn to express your emotions in a direct manner that starts
with "I feel..." to help avoid blaming others. Be specific in describing your feelings or needs. When you
are not sure what is being communicated, ask for clarification. Try to express warmth, acceptance and love
whenever possible. Listen to the feelings, not just the words, of others. This makes it easier to respond
in kind.
- Stay in the moment. Hold onto those precious moments of laughter, joy, reminiscence
and peace so that you can call on them again when you need a lift.
One of my favorite authors is Anais Nin. She wrote, "We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we
are." So if we can be calm and loving, even when we are in pain, we are more likely to be better able to
cope with life’s trials. I am grateful for my optimism because it helps me over many hurdles and keeps my
heart light burning brightly! |
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